Alright, quick show of hands — who’s obsessed with royal furniture? No one? Just me? Cool cool. Well, buckle up, because Catherine the Great furniture is not just some dusty old stuff behind velvet ropes. Nope. It’s a straight-up time capsule to one of the most extra (and honestly kinda fabulous) periods in Russian history.
And don’t worry, I’m not here to drone on like your high school history teacher who could make pirate treasure sound boring. We’re gonna get messy, weird, and maybe even sit on some thrones — metaphorically. Or literally, if the guards aren’t looking. (Just kidding. Please don’t.)
The Woman Behind the Velvet Cushion
So who was Catherine the Great, anyway?
Well, lemme give you the ultra-condensed version: she was a Prussian-born badass who took over the Russian Empire in 1762. Not only did she rule with a steel corset (probably), but she also had some serious taste. The palaces? Next level. The art? Chef’s kiss. And the Catherine the Great furniture? Oh boy.
We’re talking carved gold, imported silks, secret compartments, and chairs that probably cost more than my car. (Which isn’t saying much, but still.)
The Vibe Was: More Is More
- Gilded everything. Like, if it didn’t shine, was it even real?
- Wood from all over the dang world. Mahogany from the Caribbean, walnut from Europe… even some straight-up Siberian birch.
- Crazy upholstery. Velvets, brocades, satins. Stuff that would stain if you even thought about wine.
One time I sat on a fancy chair at a friend’s wedding and immediately heard it creak like it was judging me. That’s the vibe Catherine’s chairs give off — regal side-eye energy.
Where Can You See This Stuff IRL?
Let’s go museum-hopping. Don’t worry, we’ll skip the boring parts. I once got lost in a museum bathroom in Paris, so now I only go where they have decent signage and couches.
🇷🇺 Hermitage Museum – St. Petersburg, Russia
Ah yes, the mothership.
This museum actually was her palace. Like, she probably tripped over her dog in those halls once. The Catherine the Great furniture on display here is… bananas. In a good way.
Don’t Miss:
- The Peacock Clock Room — sure, it’s technically a clock, but the ornate furniture in the room matches the same level of ridiculous beauty. It’s peacock-core.
- The Green Drawing Room — which is neither very green nor particularly draw-y, but the furniture? Swanky beyond belief.
I was there once in winter and my eyelashes froze together. Worth it.
🇩🇪 Neues Palais – Potsdam, Germany
Okay, this one’s a plot twist.
Even though she ruled Russia, some of her stuff ended up in Germany. Catherine the Great furniture was often gifted, traded, or “relocated” (read: looted, politely) during political drama.
- Look for Rococo-style chairs with pastel velvet and carvings of flowers, fruit, and cherubs doing… whatever cherubs do.
- There’s even talk of a writing desk she used for super secret correspondence. Or just doodling, who knows.
Honestly, I can’t even keep track of my own IKEA receipts, and here we are preserving 200-year-old desks.
What Makes It Her Furniture?
I asked myself this while staring at a chair in a museum gift shop. (Turned out it was a replica. I almost sat on it. Again.)
So what makes Catherine the Great furniture special? It’s not just old and shiny. It’s got stories baked into every crack.
Look Out For:
- Imperial crests carved or embroidered into the fabric. Subtle? Not even a little.
- Matching sets of armchairs and side tables — these were commissioned, not picked up at a weekend market.
- Cabinet secrets — some of her furniture had false drawers or compartments for private letters. I love this because I, too, hide snacks in weird places.
Quirky Designs That’ll Blow Your Mind
Let me tell you, some of these pieces are straight-up wild. Like, did she really need a toilet throne?
Yes. Yes, she did.
- One of the most iconic Catherine the Great furniture pieces is this chamber pot chair — looks like a normal seat but surprise! It’s got indoor plumbing vibes before that was cool.
- There’s also a sofa with a built-in bookshelf. Which sounds brilliant until you realize it was for scrolls, not spicy paperbacks.
Remember those clawfoot bathtubs your grandma had? Hers had actual lion paws. I can’t.
Fun Fact Break (Because Why Not?)
Okay, side tangent:
Catherine once commissioned a bed so enormous, it had room for six people. Was it for lounging? Diplomacy? Wild parties? We don’t know.
But it definitely counts as Catherine the Great furniture because it screamed “I run an empire and I take naps like one too.”
Oh, and rumor has it she had a jewel-encrusted dog bed. I can’t even get my dog to stop chewing my socks.
How It Ended Up in Museums
Stuff doesn’t just walk into museums on its own. There’s always a weird backstory. Especially for Catherine the Great furniture.
Some got…
- Passed down through tsars like family heirlooms (Imagine inheriting a chair instead of grandma’s house).
- Confiscated during revolutions (Turns out, angry mobs don’t vibe with golden commodes).
- Restored after being trashed in wars, fires, or just… time.
I once tried to fix a wobbly table leg with toothpaste. Don’t ask. But restorers spent years getting the carvings and fabrics back to their OG state.
Real Talk: Would You Want This Stuff?
Here’s the thing — I love looking at Catherine the Great furniture, but could I live with it?
Eh. Probably not.
- The chairs look amazing, but my posture isn’t imperial enough.
- The beds are so tall, I’d need a ladder (or a stunt double).
- The fabrics are so delicate, one wrong snack and it’s ruined.
But man, would I love to host a game night with one of those gold inlaid tables. Uno hits different on royal wood.
Weirdly Emotional Bits
There’s something kinda emotional about it, too. Like, these aren’t just things. They’re little echoes of someone’s life. Someone who ruled an empire and still wanted a cozy reading nook.
I stood in front of this one desk — it had scratches on the surface. And I couldn’t help thinking: Was she bored? Angry? Eating lunch too aggressively?
That’s the cool part of Catherine the Great furniture. It’s not just royal. It’s human.
Wrote this paragraph by hand. Then spilled coffee on it. Classic.
If You’re Gonna See It in Person…
Here’s what I’d do:
- Bring a sketchbook. Or at least pretend you’re sketching so people think you’re smart.
- Take awkward selfies. You might never sit in a 200-year-old chair, but you can definitely squat near it.
- Don’t touch anything. Not unless you want security to treat you like a Bond villain.
Pro tip: wear comfy shoes. These museums are HUGE. I made the mistake of breaking in new boots at the Hermitage. Still have blisters. Worth it? Debatable.
Final Word on the Royal Rear-End Resters
If you ever get the chance to see Catherine the Great furniture, do it.
Even if history isn’t your thing. Even if you couldn’t care less about tsars, tapestries, or toilets shaped like thrones. Just go.
Because there’s something magical about it. Not just the glitter and gold — but the weird, messy, fabulous humanity behind it.
She was a woman who ruled an empire, changed the world, and still cared enough to commission a pastel-pink tea table. Same energy as me ordering a cheese board when I’m broke.
And honestly? That’s the kind of royalty I respect.
